Sarah, 44, Kindergarten Teacher | Atascadero, CA

“In general, in my life, I’ve always felt like I’m a little bit different - sometimes I feel like I’m a little more eccentric, I’m different, I’m quirky - I know everyone is - maybe it’s just the people I’m around. I was technically an older mom- I have an 8 year old, so I was 35 when I had [him]- that’s not really old, but at the time I felt like that was old. When I first had him, a lot of my mom friends were in their upper 20s. I’ve lived a lot of life, so I didn’t have him straight out of college: I lived in New York City, I lived a lot of life before I got married and settled down. I’m also an only child mom, which is very interesting and I didn’t realize how different it is. That was not by choice- I would have had two, if I could have. Having one - it’s different, but it’s also easier to go on trips. We are constantly going, we are constantly traveling; we’ve done that since Jack was little, so we travel as a unit all the time, which is different than a lot of my mom friends. It’s just what we do- it’s part of our family culture. 

I’m not cookie cutter. I’m not religious. Yes, I’m a kindergarten teacher, but even as a kindergarten teacher, I’m not a typical kindergarten teacher, whatever you want to say is that.

I constantly feel judged. It’s not necessarily the truth- but within me I constantly feel judged. I’m not good enough, or I’m too loud, or I’m not funny enough. Obviously, talking to my real friends, that’s not true. But if I walk away from any social group of like 5 moms … I will walk away nearly every time going, did I really say that, did I really do that, did that really come out of my mouth, I should have done this… but that’s my own thing. I don’t know if I feel judged as a mom, actually, to be honest …maybe sometimes if I’m quick to yell at my kid…but I feel like the people that see me as a mom are in this too, so they’re not gonna judge. My mom sure judges me as a mom. [Laughs.]

On social media, it looks like she’s got it together- social media shows this perfect mom, she can do it, she’s doing it all, look at her perfect Easter basket. It’s not always picture perfect. Moms cannot do it all- or yes we can, but at what expense. Social media is showing, yes, you can do it all, but then there’s this other side that’s, like, hold on a second, I can’t do it all, and we shouldn’t be expected to. In other cultures, the whole “it takes a village” thing … it’s true.

As a teacher, I get all these kids who haven’t been parented … They have loving moms but they haven’t been parented… [In the United States] we don’t put as much emphasis on that job. You’re a parent all the time … that’s the difference between moms and dads. The expectation is that the mom will drop everything to take care of their kid; the dad doesn’t have to. As a society, it’s pretty screwed up.

My advice would be: be more present more often; be less distracted. Live in that moment. Take it all in, because it changes … as soon as you get comfortable with it, it’s going to change.

I would try to do it more simply. I would limit all the stuff that is coming in, because it’s hard to change now. I would try not to overcompensate [with that.] I would have a second [child] …. I would do more than I did do, to have a second child.

And, go to parent participation. Get in it, sign up for it- that saved me. Find your group of moms. You need that support around you. Have support, whoever that is.

It’s the best thing ever. I think being a mom is absolutely my favorite thing.”