Tetiana, 41, Mother of two / Permanent make-up artist | San Luis Obispo, CA

"My name is Tetyana Rolf. I'm one 41 years old. I am a mom to two beautiful boys: the youngest is 17 months old, and the older one is almost three and a half years. I am hopefully a good wife for my husband. And I'm a permanent makeup artist. And I put it in this order [intentionally]: my family is my priority, and my passion, and my life, which I'm happy about.

I don't think that I'm different from other moms. I came from a different country: I'm originally from Ukraine, and I moved to the United States, literally, like a little bit over a year ago. I think mostly, I hear from loved ones, beloved ones, that I am a pretty good mom. I'm a good person. My husband tells me that he is really proud of me to make such a big move to a different country, on a different continent, with two brand new children. It took me three years to move to California; three years where I didn't belong anywhere.

I think in the United States, [and also in] Europe, the stereotype is like, mom's taking it easy in terms of if the child got dirty, that's life. You don't need to cry about it. And I think in Ukraine, it's more like, you don't sit on the ground. That's not okay. That's what moms, I'm not saying all moms, but most moms will be freaking out about. The moms and parents in general are more open to the children and their creativity [in the United States.] We I was born in post-Soviet Ukraine, we were much more strict, more things were forbidden, more discipline, and all this sort of stuff. And one way or another, that creates and shapes the way you are. And in general, I would say that I'm a strict mom. Discipline: this is something which needs to be in every family- at least in my family. My husband is on the same page with me in this regard, which I'm very happy about, because we both can communicate [that] to our children, what we know and what we want, and what our expectations are. But in general, I think here in the United States it is more easy, open, accessible. Even such things like, [saying] ‘I love you’, I hear much more than, for example, I heard for myself when I was a child. And it doesn't mean that my mom doesn’t love me- she does love me desperately. I know that we are the best of friends. And it will be forever like that. When my son comes to me saying, ‘Mama, I love you so much’, it means the world to me. I never heard that from my parents. Not necessarily because they don't love me. They do. I know that. But that's just not the way it is in Ukraine. At least wasn't for me.

I think it is very important to put yourself first. One tip, which one person shared with me after I just had my first baby- I was in Croatia, I would say it was a pretty tough experience of having a baby. But the lady who was a midwife who was visiting me at home [after I just came from the hospital], the first thing she did when she entered the apartment- she didn't come over to the baby to have a look. She took my hand and took me took me to the bathroom. And she had a chat with me.

I try to remember this today and for the rest of my life. Remember, the most important aspect after you become a parent, is to take care of yourself: no one else apart from you can do that for you.

Another one is, I told you that I'm a pretty strict mom. And how I implemented [this] in my family is, teach your children from the very, very beginning simple things which will make your life easier. For example, my children eat only at the table, right on the high chair or any other chair; they don't have food sitting on the couch and watching the TV or anything else. It helps me to keep our house tidy and more clean. For example, take your shoes off at the entrance. So, my 17 month-old baby, he's entering the house, and I'm like, ‘What do we do now?’ And he sits down on the floor, and he starts taking off his shoes. Such a small thing, maybe not very important, some people would think, [but] it pays you back later on.

Don’t feel guilty about anything that you haven't been able to do. This is something I'm still I'm struggling with- I feel guilty that I didn't take enough time to prepare for this interview! But just accept the matter, that some days, you'll be able to do zero. And don't stress out about it. Because there will be some days you will be able to do more work than you've been able to do, like, for the past month!

You know, and I think maybe one of the most essential [things is]: being able to ask for help … You cannot do everything yourself. Just talk to your beloved ones, because they never will be able to say no to you, and it will help you to recover from your moment of desperation. This is something I'm still learning as well. I’m a hard worker. I've always been. And I think this is something I wouldn't be able to change about myself, [trying to do] everything perfectly, by myself.

Enjoy the moment and be present in person. Give 100% of yourself to your child [when you’re with your child.] Enjoy your life, be happy. I'm learning; I'm not a pro yet. I hope that I'll get myself to the point where I can find that balance."